Burning With Desire by Winters Bella

Author:Winters, Bella
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-08-09T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

Ricky

What had I done?

The evening and the morning with Julie had been amazing. I couldn’t have imagined anything going more smoothly, or being more exciting than that. She was a phenomenal woman and I knew that I was falling very much in love with her. It was so damn fast, though. It was a whirlwind and I had never really experienced that sort of thing before. It was enough to freak me out and make me feel that I was not really in control of anything right now in my life. I was just going with the flow and I’d allowed my brain to shut off and switch gears for a bit. I did something fun and something that felt right. I had grown tired of overthinking things and now I was back in control of those thoughts and they were trying to drive me insane.

Amanda. I just kept hearing her name ringing in my head over and over again. Amanda. What would she say if she could talk to me right then? I knew that she would tell me she was happy that I was happy. But I wasn’t happy. I could have been and I wanted to be, but the guilt of doing this to my wife was too much to bear at times. I’d be ok and then a shockwave of this rampaging guilt would slam into me out of nowhere enough to take my head clean off my shoulders and give me the worst sense of fear and isolation that I’d ever imagined. And then it would be gone.

And I’d think about it. I would dwell on it until it happened again. As I drove toward Katy’s to pick up Zoe I felt like my heart was in shambles. I was so guilt ridden with the fact that I’d slept with another woman that I could hardly concentrate on the road and what was in front of me. It was ridiculous. My head kept zoning out every so often and I found myself wondering what would happen if I just told Julie that I’d made a mistake.

“You jerk,” I said out loud. There was no way I’d ever do that. I cared a lot about Julie. I loved that woman. And she’d admitted that she loved me. Plus she’d just given me the most precious gift a woman can give a man. So, I was not about to ruin that memory for her.

And it wasn’t what I wanted anyway. Amanda was gone. She was never coming back. I’ve never been particularly religious, so I wasn’t sure I believed that she was actually on some other kind of spiritual plane either. I did not know if I would ever see her again in any capacity and I believed that it most likely wouldn’t happen. She was gone. I still had a life to live. And I know she would want me to live that life. There was no reason in the world why I should have been feeling sorry for myself.

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